The Wedding Planner, starring Jennifer Lopez, Matthew McConaughey, Bridgette Wilson-Sampras and Justin Chambers, is the epitome of how to create an unsuccessful romantic-comedy.

1.) Don’t use hokey, generic original score to set the scene for romantic moments, sad moments, etc. It might work in a sitcom like Family Matters, but it makes a film sound like it should’ve gone direct-to-DVD. Leave room in your budget for some decent music.

2.) Don’t cast actors for their names, despite their complete lack of chemistry. Matthew McConaughey is attractive and charming. Jennifer Lopez is attractive and sometimes charming. Together, they were two charming people in different time zones. They kissed, they said their lines, and once the cameras were off, they went back to their trailers and played Tetris. Neither was invested in the on-screen romance or the film itself, as both produced completely “canned” performances.

3.) Don’t fudge over imperfections in the script with ridiculous (and unamusing) slapstick comedy scenes. Yes, the man usually runs after the woman in rom-coms, just as she gets on a plane or a bus or a boat. But McConaughey wearing a helmet with a veil while riding a too-small scooter through a gay pride parade turns what should be the climactic moment into satire. The producers must’ve said, “You want your sappy moment? Here ya go! Extra syrupy!” It was an insult.

4.) Don’t make a movie about a wedding planner falling in love without showing her wedding! The movie is formulaic in every other way (a horrible execution of the formula), so why not end with the big marriage scene? Without it, the movie ends abruptly, giving you another reason to leave unsatisfied.

The Wedding Planner is why people give rom-coms so much grief. Watch this movie if there’s nothing on the Home Shopping Network.